I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
