she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
