Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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