the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
