Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
