Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
