She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
