I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she smelled like a LAN party
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
