we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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