He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
