Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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