i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
