the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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