Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
