also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
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Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
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It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize