if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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