I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
