come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
