where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
