My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
we're so committed to being not committed
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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