I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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