I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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