I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
