You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
