she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
