I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize