Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
