whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
