Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
