separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
