he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.