just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it