when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria