I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab