never play flip cup with pint glasses
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
