How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
