if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
