toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
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Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
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You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
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