beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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