Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
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If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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