i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
