so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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