I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize