Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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