i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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