Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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