Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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