I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
