I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
