I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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