I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
