I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
