Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.