Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.

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  (207): I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated. http://tfl.nu/fawe
  Replies (8) Good night (690) Bad night (2173)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab

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  (425): If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab http://tfl.nu/ezlg
  Replies (8) Good night (3156) Bad night (960)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves

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  (503): I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves http://tfl.nu/4g59
  Replies (25) Good night (5554) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!

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  (702): the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry! http://tfl.nu/25bg
  Replies (32) Good night (4936) Bad night (1001)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.

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  (719): I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate. http://tfl.nu/7wm8
  Replies (7) Good night (1116) Bad night (2886)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems

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  (630): if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems http://tfl.nu/3idz
  Replies (14) Good night (1735) Bad night (2644)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career

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  (207): DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career http://tfl.nu/7wgi
  Replies (8) Good night (1999) Bad night (783)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!

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  (910): Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?! http://tfl.nu/gina
  Replies (13) Good night (1282) Bad night (6625)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.

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  (952): He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan. http://tfl.nu/7ucr
  Replies (17) Good night (862) Bad night (1556)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!

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  (651): Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday! http://tfl.nu/4hno
  Replies (5) Good night (992) Bad night (453)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.

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  (907): Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens. http://tfl.nu/yi6v
  Replies (0) Good night (372) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.

  (971): View more from Oregon

  YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.

  (574): View more from Indiana

  NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.

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  (574): IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH. (971): YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH. (574): NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE. http://tfl.nu/j0cd
  Replies (4) Good night (874) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches

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  (832): I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches http://tfl.nu/e6l8
  Replies (0) Good night (1034) Bad night (198)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes

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  (321): I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes http://tfl.nu/1qw5
  Replies (0) Good night (539) Bad night (203)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?

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  (415): I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms? http://tfl.nu/krzn
  Replies (1) Good night (750) Bad night (180)

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