I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
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Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...