Texts From Last Night

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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck

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  (252): I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck http://tfl.nu/v85x
  Replies (15) Good night (2481) Bad night (776)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.

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  (317): He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again. http://tfl.nu/2li2
  Replies (25) Good night (1012) Bad night (5272)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.

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  (201): You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!" http://tfl.nu/rb09
  Replies (23) Good night (11790) Bad night (1155)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.

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  (513): his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick. http://tfl.nu/h0yf
  Replies (18) Good night (1435) Bad night (5077)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar

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  (513): you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar http://tfl.nu/7jk8
  Replies (21) Good night (6346) Bad night (918)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...

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  (517): I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night... http://tfl.nu/z2d7
  Replies (15) Good night (5571) Bad night (1037)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.

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  (360): He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one. http://tfl.nu/lrzn
  Replies (9) Good night (7182) Bad night (1165)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.

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  (856): there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread. http://tfl.nu/6f5w
  Replies (28) Good night (4354) Bad night (1584)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.

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  (225): But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy. http://tfl.nu/2w7g
  Replies (2) Good night (983) Bad night (2236)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines

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  (970): I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines http://tfl.nu/icc2
  Replies (9) Good night (3045) Bad night (1313)
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  (631): View more from New York

  she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly

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  (631): she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly http://tfl.nu/zoqz
  Replies (6) Good night (1811) Bad night (1013)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes

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  (770): Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes http://tfl.nu/v27r
  Replies (13) Good night (1474) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.

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  (201): I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google. http://tfl.nu/votb
  Replies (8) Good night (1100) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.

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  (705): The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for. http://tfl.nu/rc5u
  Replies (0) Good night (488) Bad night (139)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now

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  (239): If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now http://tfl.nu/p1pa
  Replies (3) Good night (418) Bad night (139)

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