I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
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