so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂