Texts From Last Night

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall

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  (269) 3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall http://tfl.nu/8qr4
  Replies (7) Good night (930) Bad night (2031)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.

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  (270): Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile (270): But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird. http://tfl.nu/vi1s
  Replies (1) Good night (708) Bad night (939)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?

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  (214): she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her? http://tfl.nu/okee
  Replies (27) Good night (718) Bad night (3199)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.

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  (410): I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think. http://tfl.nu/cvjv
  Replies (16) Good night (4234) Bad night (1301)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"

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  (709): His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs" http://tfl.nu/qi7o
  Replies (27) Good night (5021) Bad night (1424)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.

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  (937): Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party. http://tfl.nu/of2q
  Replies (33) Good night (3600) Bad night (1290)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.

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  (914): at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors. http://tfl.nu/h61j
  Replies (5) Good night (3545) Bad night (1047)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.

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  (941): My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways. http://tfl.nu/nnm9
  Replies (19) Good night (6343) Bad night (1132)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.

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  (514): He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic. http://tfl.nu/4dpi
  Replies (38) Good night (12045) Bad night (1136)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho

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  (314): Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho http://tfl.nu/t3tj
  Replies (11) Good night (3848) Bad night (1187)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.

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  (505): We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee. http://tfl.nu/uw8q
  Replies (7) Good night (1140) Bad night (3411)
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  (714): View more from California

  He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.

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  (714): He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up. http://tfl.nu/ay8q
  Replies (11) Good night (2509) Bad night (598)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms

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  (412): I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms http://tfl.nu/sbef
  Replies (18) Good night (3764) Bad night (1107)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever

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  (419): The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever http://tfl.nu/s7ex
  Replies (10) Good night (633) Bad night (1576)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that

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  (303): Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that http://tfl.nu/7etq
  Replies (2) Good night (327) Bad night (204)

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