This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
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Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.