He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
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You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.