How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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