Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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