My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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