put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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