90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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