im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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