They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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