Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
