You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
